you were just a month into your seventeenth year
when this photo was taken
you were scowling
though you made the excuse that the sun
was in your eyes
but i knew better
because just like me
you weren’t good at keeping a poker face
and just like me your face was a beacon
broadcasting your many moods and emotions
you never would have foreseen this future
just like you would have never foreseen
two years earlier
when german soldiers came
banging on the doors
shouting
the russians are coming
the russians are coming
you would have never foreseen
the mad scramble to gather up your
cherished treasures
treasures you could not leave behind
like that old coin that your father gave you
when you got good grades
and your notebook of handwritten prayers
that you kept carefully hidden from soviet eyes
you would have never foreseen
that this would be the last time
you would look upon the four walls
of the room you shared with your sister
or the house where holidays were celebrated
and memories were made
you would have never foreseen
that this would be the last time
you would see your homeland
if you had known all this would be gone
perhaps you would have taken
a much harder look
so that you could lock up all that you saw
in the tight vaults of your memory
you would have taken that one last look
at the yellow and red tulips painted
on the window shutters
at your little sister’s school books
and the homework assignment
you helped her finish
at the rue growing in the garden
at the woven sashes worn during festivals
you would have given
the cat who just had her kittens
some extra milk in her dish
or the puppy one last kiss on the forehead
but instead you were running around
trying to stuff what you could
in a sack used for carrying potatoes
while your mother opened the barn door
to let the cow roam free
knowing that the nazis
would catch her
and slaughter her
but until then
the cow would roam
enjoying her last few hours of freedom
unlike you
unlike your family
unlike your fellow townsfolk
you were all put on cattle cars
except for your parish priest
who was kept behind
to be tortured to death
by having his skin peeled off
by the nazis
and there you were on cattle cars
being shipped off to germany
the night was bitter cold
you remembered waking up to your face frozen
to the side of the cattle car
you were put to work
along with the rest
on the railroads
food was scarce
one time you were given horse meat
and that was considered a treat
you always knew when the jews
were being sent to the ovens
their screams long since extinguished
by the time the wind borne smell
of burnt charred flesh
reached your nostrils
no
you would have never imagined
such a future
for yourself
or for anyone
and here you were two years later
a child bride on your wedding day
your innocence sold to a much older man
for extra sugar rations
or for whatever other reasons
your father may have had
reasons that are now in the grave
where they rest along with the holders
of those secrets and many more other secrets
that will decay
in quiet repose
in darkness
in the earth’s moldering bosom
gone were your hopes and dreams
and here you were
in a borrowed wedding dress
a child bride soon to become a junge frau
a young wife who will
never know what it would be like
to dance with boys
or to exchange shy glances
or to float a flower wreath in the river
or look for fern blossoms in the forest
at night on st john’s eve
with that special boy
or to wash your face with the early morning
midsummer dew
all that was lost
all because of the fifth commandment
the one that you would quote to me often
when i disobeyed
honor thy father and mother
but tell me
mother
had you known what the future held
had you known what was in store
for the next four decades
would you have still obeyed your father
and allowed your innocence to be sold
would i have even been born
would I have been around to write this
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