Day 3 - The Work Begins

It was a fine morning except for the painful crustiness on and around my lips. I had no idea what it was. All that I knew was that I was already having some irritation around my lips before I left for Phoenix.

It couldn't have been allergies because the allergy medication I had did not even touch it. It wasn't sunburn because that was the only part of my body that was affected. Whatever it was, it hurt. And it made my lips swell to twice their normal size.

I had to apply a cool compress to my lips to get some relief and to soften up those painful crusts. Yuck!

Gary and I had a better opportunity to get to know each other over breakfast (which I can't remember what we had except for the fresh strawberries and raspberries, bacon, and coffee). He was a sweet 66-year-old Texas gentleman who worked for the U.S. government at Fort Bliss.

It was good having Gary join me for breakfast, especially when he exclaimed to Carolyn that this was 10 times the amount of food he normally eats for breakfast. Good! I didn't have to feel so bad for not being able to eat all of Carolyn's gut-busting portions.

Because we had to be at class for 9:00 AM, there was no dilly-dallying over breakfast like yesterday. Also, there was no more bringing back uneaten left-overs either.

Our 3-day seminar was officially called "CorelDRAW X3 Unleashed Boot Camp." It was to be 3 full days of intensive training in the new version of CorelDRAW, a graphic editing program which I think is superior to the ubiquitous and over-used Adobe (Illustrator and Photo Shop) software. (Sorry to all you folks who like and use Adobe products.)

All along, for some reason, I had thought that the class was going to be taught in one of the function rooms at the Rancho Mañana Golf Club. Maybe that was because it was listed in the directions to get to the boot camp.

But no, boot camp was actually held at the home of the the instructor, Foster Coburn III, who also happens to be a CorelDRAW guru.

Foster's an interesting guy. He looks younger than his 42 years of age. He's a nice enough fellow, but not one who elicits warm fuzzies. And he does seem to be a bit full of himself at times. I suppose that is to be expected of someone with his extensive area of expertise.

But still, he was an excellent teacher who had much to offer.

It's amazing just how much of his material Foster knows. And even more amazing is the opulent adobe home that he has across the street from the Rancho Mañana Golf Club. That swimming pool is none like I've ever seen except in those fancy-schmancy home and garden magazines.

Boot camp was in this darkened room that looked like a home theater. Just as well that the room was dark. I was feeling rather self-conscious of my Bozo lips, though for originally skinny lips like mine, they probably did not seem as freakish as I thought.

First order of the day, after finding our name tags and assigned seats was to introduce each other.

We already met Gary. And you all know who I am. So that leaves Gina, Kandy, and Gala who work for Wilkerson's, a jewelry liquidator in Arkansas; Edie, another government worker at the National Institute for Standards and Technology (the place that's home to the Atomic Clock) in Boulder, Colorado; and Jodi from Vancouver, British Columbia who has her own design and sign-making business.

Knowing that the U.S. government (along with some big mucky-muck corporations that were not represented in this boot camp) sends its people to train with Foster gave me great confidence in my decision to attend this boot camp.

After introductions, it was down to business. Today's full-day class was going to focus on vector graphics.

Vector graphics may be a little bit hard to explain to those of you who have no familiarity with graphic editing.

Vector graphics is what you use in designing logos, signs, illustrations, etc. Unlike bit-maps, of which photos are one example, vector graphic do not become distorted and do not pixelate when they are enlarged. This is all done using very complex mathematical algorithms that I will not even attempt to explain.

We were well fed all throughout the day. Soda, coffee, tea, water, pastries, etc. were always available. For lunch, we had a choice of items from a menu of a local restaurant (and a new restaurant for each day that we were there). I ordered a southwestern burger.

When Foster's assistant, Diane, arrived with the food, we broke for lunch. Surprisingly, we all ate outside, even though the temperature was in the low 100s.

What?! Were we nuts?!

No.

Actually it was comfortable outside because the air was being cooled with fine mists of water that were being sprayed at periodic intervals. Plus, we all sat in the shade at one of the many tables that were scattered around Foster's extravagant pool.

My Bozo mouth made it difficult and painful to eat. Plus, my stomach could not accept an entire burger. It was an effort just to eat half.

While all the others threw out their uneaten portions, I saved mine for the left-over collection that was multiplying back in my room. After all, my mother deeply ingrained in me that throwing out food was a sin.

All through the class Edie kept exclaiming how the information that she just learned had already paid for her class. Her boot camp experience must have been paid for at least a dozen times by the end of the final class!

While there were a lot of things that I already knew about, there were also plenty of things that I had forgotten about or not even used. Plus, there were some new tools that I didn't know about. So I felt good about my first day in class.

We managed to survive day one of boot camp.

That night I offered Gary a bottle of chili beer, and he took it with trepidation as we headed up to the star-gazing deck for some conversation.

Gary is not a big beer fan. The only beer that he drinks is Coors, which he calls "Colorado Kool-Aid."

We had pleasant conversation about the boot camp, Arizona, our lives, and the sense of accomplishment and failure we experienced.

After awhile of this deep and personal conversation, Gary said, "I hope you don't get offended if I don't finish this beer."

Me? Offended? No way! More chili beer for me!

Pretty soon my bladder was signaling its discomfort. I guess this was as good a point as any to call it a night. I made a bee-line for the bathroom while Gary called his honey back in El Paso.

Thus day 3 of my great Arizona adventure has been put to bed.

Adventures Of A Different Sort

I now had 2 hikes under my belt, and yet it was only just about lunch time. God! In such a short of time I had already accomplished a lot by conquering 2 mountains. And yet, the day was not even half over.

So what was my next adventure to be? Certainly not another encounter with the great outdoors. Not this time. Nope. No way.

Instead, it was time to do some shopping. After all, isn't that what people usually do when they go away to a different place?

Well, I wasn't going to stop at Carefree to do my shopping. All the stores there were in shopping centers. And while I'm sure that Carefree had its fair share of nice gift shops, I had a tough time imagining one of them sharing space with a building supply store, real estate office, or pharmacy.

So, it was back to Cave Creek.

While heading back, I passed this rather wild and garish structure that was called the "Town Dump." When I had first first seen it on a local map, I thought that it was a place where people went to dispose of their trash, just like I thought the the post office, town hall, and the fire station were what the labels said they were.

I never suspected it to be this crazy, wild, and bizarre store of the tourist trap persuasion.

So whoa!

I had to stop there, even if it meant that I had to find a turn-around because I had already passed the store while trying to process what I was seeing while I was driving. I had to visit this tourist trap that sported the sign "Malfunction Junction."

One of the first things that I saw, aside from the sensory over-loaded front of the store, was a yard that was filled with large Mexican pottery and humongous metal sculptures. That wasn't for me. I didn't even want to think about shipping one of those gigantic and heavy pieces back home.

The inside of the store was crammed to the hilt. Literally crammed. It was hard to walk around without practically hitting something. And it was definitely NOT a place for strollers, or for that matter, any life forms under 3 and a half feet tall.

Perhaps I could find something for Roma and Ariana in this store. But like all tourist traps, I had to carefully check the bottom to make sure that I was getting something local or labeled "Hecho en Mexico" instead of "Made in China."

Yeah, those long scarves were lovely. And I bet that Roma would have loved the colors. But, "Made in Indonesia?" I don't think so. And that nice looking string of cloth birds that were made in India? Forget it!

I did find a whimsical wooden hummingbird mobile. And while it had no sticker to indicate country of origin, it was undeniably a piece of Mexican folk art. I got 2 ~ one for me and one for Roma. I also got an iron hanging hook in the shape of a frog.

And I found 2 Dios de los Meurtos (Day of the Dead) figures that did have the "Hecho en Mexico" sticker. And for 9 bucks a piece, they cost a fraction of what I would have had to pay on my side of the coast.

Those items were in just the main building of this labyrinthine shopping establishment. There was still far more to explore.

Entering one of the rear rooms in the main building gave me this very weird feeling that I could not readily identify. It took a few minutes to realize that feeling came from that room looking like something out of one of my bizarre dreams.

Can you say, "Twilight Zone?" Sure you can.

After exiting the main building, there were 2 more buildings in a courtyard that was crammed with even more enormous metal sculptures and big pottery pieces along with any sort of miscellanea imaginable.

These buildings had a series of rooms that were open on one side, sort of like a garage or stables. Some of the rooms had antique furniture. Others had what looked like could have been a collection of old bar stools from some defunct diner. Still others had tons of retablos, santos, nichos (both wooden and tin), and Mexican tin work.

All these rooms were crowded, crammed, and in some places totally impassable.

In one room I found the perfect gift for Ariana ~ a cow skull. The room was loaded with them. 2 were on a table that was easy to get to. The others were hanging on all 3 walls. Those were not easy to get to, especially the ones on the right hand wall, which would have required that I climb on top of the antique furniture shoved in that very tight space.

So it was going to have to be one of the 2 skulls on the table. When I picked up the one on the right, the teeth fell out. So it wasn't going to be that one. And seeing that the other skulls were not easily accessible, it was fortunate that the remaining skull had its teeth intact. They were loose, but they were still marginally secured in the upper jaw.

Now there was no way I was going to pack a large cow skull in my suitcase. I could just see the reaction of the Transportation Security Agents. And with the Phoenix airport being über-anal with their security, I wasn't going to take the chance. Besides, where would the rest of my stuff fit?

So it was a great thing that the Town Dump is a USP shipping location. They would ship my swag for me. Not only that, if I have them ship my purchases, I don't have to pay sales tax. And in Arizona, that is a good thing.

You see, in Arizona you don't have just one plain state sales tax (5.6%). You also have the Maricopa County tax (.7%). And on top of that, each city has its own separate tax which could run anywhere from 1.5% to 3.0%.

Yowzah!

So in Phoenix you would have the total sales tax of 8.1% while Carefree, Cave Creek's next door neighbor has a whopping 9.3%. Cave Creek's grand sales tax total amounts to 8.8%.

So don't you go off complaining about about taxes if you live elsewhere.

And speaking of complaining about taxes, I really haven't heard much squawking from the locals.

Apparently the county tax supports the roads and jails. And I must say, the roads are pretty decent. However, I can't make judgment either way about the jails.

In Cave Creek, the city tax has gone to major conservation efforts to buy up land in order to protect it from development. And that's a good thing. It would be a shame to have all that gorgeous land turned into strip malls, even if the developers do find new homes for all those displaced refugee saguaro cacti.

Anyhow, back to my story.

Having made my purchases and shipping arrangements, it was now time to go on and continue with my retail therapy.

Next on the list were post cards and gifts for Ariana and Neil.

I must say that the next stores I've gone into were nowhere near as colorful and freaky as the Town Dump. The Town Dump was a unique experience in itself.

The next place that I stopped at were a set of shops, one of them being Crazy Ed's Satisfied Frog, located in Cave Creek's Frontier Village.

There I found the post cards that I've been looking for, along with tee shirts for Neil, Ariana, and me.

I also found some interesting hot sauces, including one that had to stay hidden behind a curtain marked "For Adults Only" because of its ~ ahem ~ saucy name ("One Fuckin' Drop At a Time" for those of you who want to know).

I also found unique southwest candy in flavors like jalapeno and prickly pear. For Ariana and me I got 2 lighters in engraved wooden sheaths.

Also, I found an industrial-size coffee mug in the shape of a rattlesnake. The tail was the handle. But where was the head? Why, it was inside the cup, poised to strike at any unsuspecting soul. Of course I had to get that one for myself. (I just have to make sure that Neil doesn't get a glimpse of it.)

And without a doubt, I had to stop in at Crazy Ed's to get a 6-pack of that world famous Cave Creek Chili Beer.

By now it was 4 o'clock and time to bring all the spoils of my adventures back to my room.

I was tired and beat.

Carrying my many bags, I met Gary from El Paso, who would be joining me in the CorelDRAW Boot Camp tomorrow morning. I only had enough energy to introduce myself and say "Hi."

I had to quickly get myself into my air conditioned room and decompress before heading out to rustle up some grub. (No, they really don't talk that way in Cave Creek.)

I was having a tough time deciding between Mexican and beef ribs. Both sounded really good, and my stomach was having a tough time deciding.

Eventually, Mexican won out, especially since I wanted to know what a chili relleno (Mexican stuffed pepper) tasted like.

I decided on El Encanto, which was a short distance away and across the street from the Frontier Village. It was a lovely place with a gorgeous huge koi pond in the courtyard. In addition to the koi, there were geese, ducks, turtles, and a whole bunch of red dragon flies.

I opted to sit inside at a window by the pond. There were turtles basking on the rocks by the window. They appeared to be red eared sliders.

Having already looked over the menu while still back in my room, I already knew what I wanted ~ guacamole, the carnito chili relleno, and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon to wash it all down.

Buster, my waiter (That's his real name!), quickly brought me my wine and guacamole. Oh! That guacamole was to die for! I could not get guacamole that good where I live, unless I make it myself.

The relleno was interesting and the beef nicely seasoned. But it was not something that I would be interested in ordering again.

I had Buster wrap up my leftover guacamole and relleno with the side of black beans. More food to add to my growing leftover collection. It was time to head back.

Looking back on the day, I did 2 strenuous hikes and some serious shopping, topped off by a pleasant Mexican meal in the company of turtles. I think at this point it's time to call it a day.

And there's some chili beer waiting for me at the end of the day.