Y?

It has been 4 and a half months since I have been working with autistic and mentally retarded young adults in a group home setting. And within that time period I had been transferred to another house where I was a better fit.

One night last week, while vacuuming the living room after the guys have gone to bed, I spotting a small white thing under the couch. Thinking that it could have been a dropped pill, I reached under to pick it up.

It wasn't a pill. Instead it was a small white bead with the letter "Y" on it.

"Y"

"WHY?"

That was the question that was coursing through my mind. "Why am I here?" "Why am I doing this?"

Of all the jobs I ever had, even the jobs from hell, never has that question been more profound. I would have never expected to find myself in this type of job situation ~ never in a million years.

And yet, here I am, caring for mentally retarded individuals ~ feeding them, washing and bathing them, cleaning up after them, and offering myself as a servant for their higher good.

Despite the strong feelings that I don't belong in this job, I know in my heart that this is the place where I need to be. Here is where I learn the lessons that I need to learn for the next stage of my growth and personal evolution.

I am here to learn humility, humbleness, and gratitude.

And if and when I leave this job, I will leave a different person from the one I was when I first entered this job.