Musings On My Last Night of Freedon

In slightly less than 22 hours, I will be back to work. Yuck.

I'm not looking forward to that - not looking forward to working 41.25 hours a week and only having 2 nights to myself.

I don't even know if I'll be able to continue blogging, seeing that there are limited minutes on my daughter's netbook - minutes that get used up very fast when I spend nearly half of my work night on the internet blogging, Facebooking, and posting on my groups.

It's a hard reality that we have to work for a living. Bills don't get paid by themselves. And it's a harder reality to swallow that my paycheck is nowhere near sufficient to support my family.

I've been spoiled by all those years that I have not had to work. And unlike a lot of people, I have always found things to keep me busy.

My new neighbor goes out every day to photograph. I used to, too, when I first moved to Lubbock. But ever since I started working, opportunities to go out with my camera have been far and few in between.

When I had my 6 nights off, I thought that it would have been great to go up to Palo Duro Canyon or Cadillac Ranch for a day of photographing.

But instead, my "vacation" was spent cleaning and organizing, something that needed to get done and something that could have been done if I didn't have my nights consumed with work and my days consumed with sleep.

My friend Marilyn recently lost her job when her grant money ran out. But Marilyn can pick up extra cash by offering massage therapy at her home studio. She's a damn great massage therapist, and I am sure that she would have no problem finding clients.

But unlike Marilyn, I don't have a service that would allow me to work from home, despite the many talents that I have.

Sure, my talents have the potential for eventually earning me some money, but the key word here is "eventually." "Eventually" doesn't cut it when there are immediate financial responsibilities to be met.

And frankly with my holding down a full time job, I don't have the time to devote to make that eventuality a reality.

So all I can do is slog away at the daily grind, keep my eyes and ears open for any glint of opportunity, pray for and dream of a brighter future.

And dream I do.

What would I do if I were blessed with good fortune?

I have thought about this often enough to know that I would maintain my life pretty much the same way, but that I would "upgrade" it.

Instead of living in a sardine can troll hole, I would have a a real house. Not a MacMansion in some hoity-toity neighborhod like the Vintage Village, but a home that's just large enough to afford us ample storage space and enough space for privacy.

There would be lots of windows to let in lots of light, because I love the light. In fact I thrive on light. And with all that light, I would surround myself with lots of beautiful plants - surround myself with life.

There would be a large fenced-in yard for the dogs, too.

I'm not interested in boats, fancy cars, or membership to a country club. But a couple of horses on a ranch may be nice.

And my spare car would be a 4-door pick-up truck, not a Beemer or a Benz.

I would be generous in my prosperity, using my financial blessings to help out my family, support my favorite charities (especially the Southwest Pennsylvania Retriever Rescue Organization, who was so kind to take in my two old dogs), and pay back my mother-in-law for all the help she has given us.

I would travel. I would see the places that I wanted to see in both this country and the world. I would visit Lithuania, my ancestral land.

I would pursue my creative interests and my thirst for learning new things.

I would pay for my family and old friends back east to come and visit me. And I would treat my new friends and co-workers to a party to show my appreciation for them.

And then, after the party's been picked up and everybody's gone home, I would go back to living my simple and unassuming (but enriched) life in my simple and unassuming home.

Why is it that people feel that when they come into a lot of money they have to live it up and accumulate all sorts of trappings?

Trappings are just that - something that traps and holds you.

Simplicity is much better. So is peace, serenity, and happiness.

I am not naive to assume that my life would change were I to come into a massive fortune. But the change that I would like to see happen would be one where only the hardship would disappear and where I would use my wealth wisely to enrich my life and the lives of others.

Money does not buy happiness, but it does make things easier.

But for now, I will follow the advice of poet Langston Hughes:

Hold onto dreams
For if dreams die
Life is like a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.