Adventures Of A Different Sort

I now had 2 hikes under my belt, and yet it was only just about lunch time. God! In such a short of time I had already accomplished a lot by conquering 2 mountains. And yet, the day was not even half over.

So what was my next adventure to be? Certainly not another encounter with the great outdoors. Not this time. Nope. No way.

Instead, it was time to do some shopping. After all, isn't that what people usually do when they go away to a different place?

Well, I wasn't going to stop at Carefree to do my shopping. All the stores there were in shopping centers. And while I'm sure that Carefree had its fair share of nice gift shops, I had a tough time imagining one of them sharing space with a building supply store, real estate office, or pharmacy.

So, it was back to Cave Creek.

While heading back, I passed this rather wild and garish structure that was called the "Town Dump." When I had first first seen it on a local map, I thought that it was a place where people went to dispose of their trash, just like I thought the the post office, town hall, and the fire station were what the labels said they were.

I never suspected it to be this crazy, wild, and bizarre store of the tourist trap persuasion.

So whoa!

I had to stop there, even if it meant that I had to find a turn-around because I had already passed the store while trying to process what I was seeing while I was driving. I had to visit this tourist trap that sported the sign "Malfunction Junction."

One of the first things that I saw, aside from the sensory over-loaded front of the store, was a yard that was filled with large Mexican pottery and humongous metal sculptures. That wasn't for me. I didn't even want to think about shipping one of those gigantic and heavy pieces back home.

The inside of the store was crammed to the hilt. Literally crammed. It was hard to walk around without practically hitting something. And it was definitely NOT a place for strollers, or for that matter, any life forms under 3 and a half feet tall.

Perhaps I could find something for Roma and Ariana in this store. But like all tourist traps, I had to carefully check the bottom to make sure that I was getting something local or labeled "Hecho en Mexico" instead of "Made in China."

Yeah, those long scarves were lovely. And I bet that Roma would have loved the colors. But, "Made in Indonesia?" I don't think so. And that nice looking string of cloth birds that were made in India? Forget it!

I did find a whimsical wooden hummingbird mobile. And while it had no sticker to indicate country of origin, it was undeniably a piece of Mexican folk art. I got 2 ~ one for me and one for Roma. I also got an iron hanging hook in the shape of a frog.

And I found 2 Dios de los Meurtos (Day of the Dead) figures that did have the "Hecho en Mexico" sticker. And for 9 bucks a piece, they cost a fraction of what I would have had to pay on my side of the coast.

Those items were in just the main building of this labyrinthine shopping establishment. There was still far more to explore.

Entering one of the rear rooms in the main building gave me this very weird feeling that I could not readily identify. It took a few minutes to realize that feeling came from that room looking like something out of one of my bizarre dreams.

Can you say, "Twilight Zone?" Sure you can.

After exiting the main building, there were 2 more buildings in a courtyard that was crammed with even more enormous metal sculptures and big pottery pieces along with any sort of miscellanea imaginable.

These buildings had a series of rooms that were open on one side, sort of like a garage or stables. Some of the rooms had antique furniture. Others had what looked like could have been a collection of old bar stools from some defunct diner. Still others had tons of retablos, santos, nichos (both wooden and tin), and Mexican tin work.

All these rooms were crowded, crammed, and in some places totally impassable.

In one room I found the perfect gift for Ariana ~ a cow skull. The room was loaded with them. 2 were on a table that was easy to get to. The others were hanging on all 3 walls. Those were not easy to get to, especially the ones on the right hand wall, which would have required that I climb on top of the antique furniture shoved in that very tight space.

So it was going to have to be one of the 2 skulls on the table. When I picked up the one on the right, the teeth fell out. So it wasn't going to be that one. And seeing that the other skulls were not easily accessible, it was fortunate that the remaining skull had its teeth intact. They were loose, but they were still marginally secured in the upper jaw.

Now there was no way I was going to pack a large cow skull in my suitcase. I could just see the reaction of the Transportation Security Agents. And with the Phoenix airport being über-anal with their security, I wasn't going to take the chance. Besides, where would the rest of my stuff fit?

So it was a great thing that the Town Dump is a USP shipping location. They would ship my swag for me. Not only that, if I have them ship my purchases, I don't have to pay sales tax. And in Arizona, that is a good thing.

You see, in Arizona you don't have just one plain state sales tax (5.6%). You also have the Maricopa County tax (.7%). And on top of that, each city has its own separate tax which could run anywhere from 1.5% to 3.0%.

Yowzah!

So in Phoenix you would have the total sales tax of 8.1% while Carefree, Cave Creek's next door neighbor has a whopping 9.3%. Cave Creek's grand sales tax total amounts to 8.8%.

So don't you go off complaining about about taxes if you live elsewhere.

And speaking of complaining about taxes, I really haven't heard much squawking from the locals.

Apparently the county tax supports the roads and jails. And I must say, the roads are pretty decent. However, I can't make judgment either way about the jails.

In Cave Creek, the city tax has gone to major conservation efforts to buy up land in order to protect it from development. And that's a good thing. It would be a shame to have all that gorgeous land turned into strip malls, even if the developers do find new homes for all those displaced refugee saguaro cacti.

Anyhow, back to my story.

Having made my purchases and shipping arrangements, it was now time to go on and continue with my retail therapy.

Next on the list were post cards and gifts for Ariana and Neil.

I must say that the next stores I've gone into were nowhere near as colorful and freaky as the Town Dump. The Town Dump was a unique experience in itself.

The next place that I stopped at were a set of shops, one of them being Crazy Ed's Satisfied Frog, located in Cave Creek's Frontier Village.

There I found the post cards that I've been looking for, along with tee shirts for Neil, Ariana, and me.

I also found some interesting hot sauces, including one that had to stay hidden behind a curtain marked "For Adults Only" because of its ~ ahem ~ saucy name ("One Fuckin' Drop At a Time" for those of you who want to know).

I also found unique southwest candy in flavors like jalapeno and prickly pear. For Ariana and me I got 2 lighters in engraved wooden sheaths.

Also, I found an industrial-size coffee mug in the shape of a rattlesnake. The tail was the handle. But where was the head? Why, it was inside the cup, poised to strike at any unsuspecting soul. Of course I had to get that one for myself. (I just have to make sure that Neil doesn't get a glimpse of it.)

And without a doubt, I had to stop in at Crazy Ed's to get a 6-pack of that world famous Cave Creek Chili Beer.

By now it was 4 o'clock and time to bring all the spoils of my adventures back to my room.

I was tired and beat.

Carrying my many bags, I met Gary from El Paso, who would be joining me in the CorelDRAW Boot Camp tomorrow morning. I only had enough energy to introduce myself and say "Hi."

I had to quickly get myself into my air conditioned room and decompress before heading out to rustle up some grub. (No, they really don't talk that way in Cave Creek.)

I was having a tough time deciding between Mexican and beef ribs. Both sounded really good, and my stomach was having a tough time deciding.

Eventually, Mexican won out, especially since I wanted to know what a chili relleno (Mexican stuffed pepper) tasted like.

I decided on El Encanto, which was a short distance away and across the street from the Frontier Village. It was a lovely place with a gorgeous huge koi pond in the courtyard. In addition to the koi, there were geese, ducks, turtles, and a whole bunch of red dragon flies.

I opted to sit inside at a window by the pond. There were turtles basking on the rocks by the window. They appeared to be red eared sliders.

Having already looked over the menu while still back in my room, I already knew what I wanted ~ guacamole, the carnito chili relleno, and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon to wash it all down.

Buster, my waiter (That's his real name!), quickly brought me my wine and guacamole. Oh! That guacamole was to die for! I could not get guacamole that good where I live, unless I make it myself.

The relleno was interesting and the beef nicely seasoned. But it was not something that I would be interested in ordering again.

I had Buster wrap up my leftover guacamole and relleno with the side of black beans. More food to add to my growing leftover collection. It was time to head back.

Looking back on the day, I did 2 strenuous hikes and some serious shopping, topped off by a pleasant Mexican meal in the company of turtles. I think at this point it's time to call it a day.

And there's some chili beer waiting for me at the end of the day.