"Money Hungry" Vs. Obsession Over Money

Yesterday Ariana informed me that I was "money hungry" ~ that all I've been doing, lately, was talking about money ~ actually the lack of.

Ouch!

I bristled when I heard that comment. Any and all explanations about my concerns about being able to pay bills and our survival fell on deaf ears. I was unsuccessful in getting the point across, that being that while she moved to Texas, the bills stayed here. Out of sight out of mind.

After my emotions settled down, I meditated on the matter. And this blog is the result of my meditation.

When I thought about things in a more calm and rational manner I realized that Ariana was no different than when I was at that age. I thought the same way.

With dreams of love and romance dominating my wistful imagination, I could not understand why adults were SO obsessed with money. And they were obsessed. That was all they talked and thought about. I could not comprehend how people could be that shallow and ignorant.

Although I grew up poor, in the poorest of the poor family in the Lithuanian community on both of the continents that we lived, I could not grasp the realities with which my parents struggled because I saw that my own needs, and many of my desires, were met.

So even though I knew that we were poor, the full impact of that circumstance was lost on me because I was not the one who was engaged in the struggle to pay bills and put food on the table with just the meager pittance my father received every week.

Even though this was the day before PCs, iPods, and cell phones, I still had what all the other kids had ~ a passable stereo and a 10-speed bike which I bought with money saved up from my birthday and Christmas. My father chipped in for my 35-mm camera because he wanted me to enjoy the hobby that he enjoyed when he was a young man.

I suppose it was a good thing that I did grow up in the days before computers, iPods, and cell phone. Having come from a poor family, I probably would have been the only kid without them ~ items that are now considered to be non-negotiable essentials among today's youth.

It was only after living on my own, and later having a family of my own, that it dawned on me why my parents ~ and other adults ~ were so obsessed with money. My God! There were all those bills to pay ~ bills for necessities absolutely essential for survival. And very often there was not much left over for anything else.

As such, I became like my parents ~ obsessed over money because I was obsessed with my family's survival.

But still, there was some wisdom to be found in the perceptions of a 20-year-old.

While money, in our society, is critical to our survival and comfort, little good is accomplished by obsessing over it, or the lack of it. Obsessing over anything ~ even love ~ is not healthy.

Obsessing over a stressful situation ~ especially one that you have no control over ~ makes that situation all the more stressful. And we all know what constant, gnawing, and eroding stress does to the body and mind.

Obsession over something you cannot control is not going to change the situation. And it's disempowering, which causes additional stress. It would be better to focus on things that you can control, thus empowering yourself.

You can control how you react to your thoughts. You can control the attitude you assume. Not easy work, but it can be done.

You can also control your environment by keeping it tidy. You can control what you eat. You can control what you read and watch. You can control the activities and hobbies you engage in.

And you can control your perceptions about money and the decisions you make about its wise use.

So no, I am not the "money hungry gold-digger" that Ariana accused me of being. I merely got wrapped up in my obsession over money because of my deep concern over my family's and my personal survival.

If I were that "money hungry gold-digger", I would not have been making the sacrifices that I have been making.

I will buy food for my animals before I buy it for myself. I have not bought groceries for over a month, making myself eat beans and rice, and God knows what else, every day instead. No more going out to eat because "there's nothing in the house to eat." Believe me! If it's in a box, jar, bag, or can, I will find a way to turn it into something to eat.

I wear thrift shop clothes instead of the latest fashions. And even then, I will wear the same clothes until they get holes in them.

To conserve gas and avoid having to spend more money on it, I limit the number of times I drive. Now I am no longer doing the frequent day trips that we used to do because I don't have the pressing need to leave the house in order to address any boredom I may have.

The only lights I have on in the house are in the room that I'm sitting in. Let the rest of the house stay in darkness. (Now that Ariana's snakes are gone, I'll save even more money on the electric bill because there will be no more heat lamps staying on for 24/7.)

Rather than go on a vacation once or twice every year, I have gone on only one adult vacation in 27 years.

I don't think that any "money hungry gold-digger" would be content to make do with what she just has and make such personal sacrifices so that her family can get back onto its financial feet again.

And while Ariana did me a great service in giving me that wake-up call about the counter-productive and dysfunctional nature of my current obsession, she still did not know where I was coming from because she has not yet travelled down that road herself.

But her time will come, and perhaps a lot quicker than she expects. And with that she will learn the lessons that I have had to learn. I just pray that her lessons won't be as tough as mine were.

After all, it is every parent's dream that their child has a better life than they had.