The Latest in Feline Fashion

Meet Mr. Fancy Pants. That is my new name for Attila, though Ariana dislikes this new appellation.

As I have been fond of mentioning to others, Attila is a creative genius for finding litter box alternatives.

You would not believe the different odd areas where he has gone to the bathroom ~ on top of the refrigerator, in fruit bowls, in drinking cups, and even inside the glass enclosure of a 7-day candle (all without spilling a single drop).

Just what is it that makes Attila spray and go to the bathroom where he's not supposed to? In our case, it's probably due to the large number of cats ~ especially male cats ~ that we have in the house. It's a territorial issue.

(And for the record, Attila is not the only cat I caught peeing in inappropriate places. He's just the most prodigious pee-er.)

For some reason, Attila will not go to the bathroom in Ariana's room, where he likes to spend most of the day. But the rest of the house is fair game.

Finally, enough was enough. Something had to be done, especially since we'll most likely be renting a house when we relocate to Texas (whenever that's going to happen). We cannot have Attila damaging someone else's property with his wanton and indiscriminate marking.

I got the idea of getting Attila a pair of washable diaper pants after seeing a pair on my vet's office cat, Julio. (Julio, while a charming ambassador for the Mattapoisett Animal Hospital, had the annoying habit of voiding his bladder on clients' coats and expensive leather handbags.)

Sporting the latest in feline fashion did not, in no shape or form, dampen Julio's unbounded affection towards visitors to the animal hospital. As such, I thought it was a worthy experiment to try on Attila, AKA Pissattila.

At first Attila got a reprieve because the diaper pants that I bought were too small. When I exchanged them for the proper size, he got another break from having to suffer indignity when I had to launder the pants, as per their instructions.

Fresh out of the dryer, we were ready for business. At least I was.

The first several minutes were the roughest as Attila was totally bewildered. He staggered like a drunk and fell over sideways and backwards, knocking over my birthday African violet that's already been seriously struggling to hold on to what little life it had left in its poor pathetic and shrivelled leaves.

Attila was definitely not happy with his new fancy pants, and he took out his extreme displeasure on the nearest target, Big Fat Stevie. Poor Stevie. Attila has never beat on him before.

And poor Attila, having to suffer this terrible indignity. Where is the justice?

But what other choice did we have with such a recalcitrant cat, short of locking him up 24/7? I overheard Ariana say to Attila, "You brought this all on yourself." How true.

It's too bad that Attila has to wear this new attire, especially since he is a very handsome cat, and having to wear a diaper looks just plain silly.

Anyhow, Attila is adjusting to his fancy pants. His tail still twitches like an angry snake, but he's now walking a bit more normally. His rear legs aren't as splayed out like duck feet as they were earlier. And pretty soon, we hope he'll be walking without the slightest uncool impediment to his typical cool-cat stride.

For some reason, Attila likes to lick his new fancy pants. Why? I have no idea. Maybe they still have unseen remnants of the catnip that he rolled in after I gave him some in order to assuage the insult of having to wear a diaper.

The funny thing is that the tail hole is large enough to permit Attila to go to the bathroom without my having to remove his pants. But he hasn't figured that out just yet. To him, those fancy pants are a significant distraction from going to the bathroom.

The next part of the fancy pants learning curving has been trying to figure out when Attila needs to go to the bathroom. Unlike monkeys and baby humans, Attila does not pee in his diaper. And unlike the dogs, he doesn't stand at the back door waiting to be let out to go to the bathroom.

The fancy pants experiment is still too new for us to have any idea in how to gauge Attila's bathroom needs.

I have taken off the diaper at certain times of the day, but Attila did not rush to the litter box or even to any inappropriate spot.

For the past two mornings, I have taken off the diaper and put Attila outside for about an hour or so. Whether he went to the bathroom while he was outside was another matter, and I had no way of determining whether he had or not.

I suppose as days go on, the learning curve will level out of both Attila and us.

And perhaps later on, I'll be able to sew a fancy pants wardrobe for Attila so that he doesn't have to keep wearing the same blue denim pattern. Hmmm. Perhaps hot pink zebra stripes.